Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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