I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
