i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
