well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
