I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
