I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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