Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
