He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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