What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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