The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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