Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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