We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
