I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
