Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
