Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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