singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
