Did you just see the Batmobile???
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
