I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
