I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
