I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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