i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
