Whod you bang
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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