i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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