he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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