Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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