don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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