There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
