Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
