She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
