you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think my vagina is haunted
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
