I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
