Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
ttyl tear gas
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
