I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
