I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
