we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
