Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
