im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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