I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
