I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
