Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just cropdusted the office
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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