why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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