Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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