We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
