Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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