i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
