Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
