and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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