Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
