Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
