Little spoons don't ask big questions
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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