they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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