whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize