Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
